Separation Anxiety

It's only 9:30 in the morning, and today has already been a really rough day. The boys are having an incredibly tough time with the fact that they are no longer going to the same preschool/daycare, and it has been resulting in floods of tears from both of them every school day this week. Leaving Sutton has been a nightmare, and I feel horrible for leaving Traci with a hysterically crying child while I try to run out the gate without having him chase me down. He just keeps saying over and over again, "Go to Sawyer's new school too" and "Sawyer stay Traci's too." He has never been one to cry when I leave him, and seeing him so upset is breaking my heart.

Sawyer has been having a hard time this week at school too. He's been having mid-day breakdowns resulting in lots of tears and some assisted letter writing home, most of which read something like "I miss Mommy. I miss Sutton. I miss Daddy. I want Mommy come back. I love Sutton." Thankfully I've been absent for most of the crying, but today the tears started before he even got dressed. He kept crying and saying that he didn't want to go to school today. He either wanted to stay home with me or go to Traci's with Sutton. I reminded him that his new school is lots of fun, and that Jaden and Josh (the twins who live on our street) might be sad if he didn't go today since they've been having lots of fun playing with him. In the end I finally got him settled down with the idea that once he got to school he could paint me "the best picture ever." Naturally, once we arrived, we noticed immediately that there were no painting materials set out today. Miss Gail informed Sawyer that painting wasn't available today, and he just about lost it right then and there. I managed to grab a quick hug and kiss and scurry out the gate before my lingering presence made it even worse, but as I looked back I could see him standing with his face pressed against a large knothole in the fence watching me drive away. He wasn't crying yet, but he looked horribly sad.

I feel terrible. I know that it is going to take some time to adjust, but honestly, at this very moment I can't say that I think sending them to two different places is the right thing to do. Mentally I know that they are both where they should be right now, and I know that the new school environment is already having a huge positive impact on Sawyer, but emotionally it's exhausting and painful to watch them get so upset over being separated. I just wish that Sutton was already 2 1/2 and potty trained so that he could have been going to the preschool with Sawyer right now. Since the preschool only accepts new students at the start of the school year (summer session included), it's going to be an entire year before Sutton can start going there too. I have a feeling that it's going to be a long while before they get adjusted to their new situations.

The positive spin on the situation is that the boys have been nicer to each other, and we've had less bickering when they're at home. Their new found clinginess with one another contributed a huge part to the fact that they are now sharing a bedroom. It's nice to see their relationship grow even closer, and I have caught Sawyer making some little comments lately that let me know that he's aware that he's very lucky to have a brother to play with all the time.

I realize that it's just going to take some time for everyone to adjust to their new situations - heck, I'm still adjusting to having to drive both kids in opposite directions in the morning! - but in the end I hope that we've made the right decisions. Sawyer has been terribly missing his friends at Traci's house (who can blame him? He's been spending 2 or 3 days a week with them since he was 15 months old!), but fortunately he got invited to Emma's birthday party on the 18th, so he will get a chance to run around Wacky Tacky and play with all his friends again soon. I just hope that it doesn't make him miss them even more. Time, I'm sure, will make everything run smoothly again...I just hope it doesn't take too long, because right now my heart aches for them.